Rep. Joe Barton: The unassailable king of the BP Republicans, this Congressmen openly apologized to BP executives and called the $20 billion relief fund a “tragedy of the first proportion,” “a shakedown” and cutely iced his cake with these words for BP’s Tony Hayward: “I apologize. I do not want to live in a country where any time a citizen or a corporation does something that is legitimately wrong, is subject to some sort of political pressure that is, again, in my words, amounts to a shakedown. So I apologize.” A beautiful apology by the Joe the Oil Barton.

Rep. Steve King: Defending his fearless leader, Representative Steve King noted in a radio interview on the Laura Ingraham Show that Joe Barton was “spot-on.” Hailing from Colorado, King now sits on the House Transportation and Energy Committee — a good Republican for BP to have.

Rand Paul: This Kentucky Republican is running for Senate this year and running to the defense of BP, reportedly calling President Obama’s attempt to hold BP responsible “un-American.” As much as I hate to say it, based on the majority of what we’ve seen come out of Congress in recent years…he may be right.

Sharron Angle: Another Senate candidate, this time from Nevada, Sharron Angle is understandably upset by the tragedy in the Gulf of Mexico. That “slush fund” is unconscionable! “Government shouldn’t be doing that to a private company,” she asserted on talk radio. The only answer, says Nevada’s “slickest” Senate nominee, is to further deregulate the oil industry — the perfect solution to our energy crisis, which by Sharron’s angle appears to be any payment by an oil company for anything they do wrong, regardless of effect on ecology or economy of the region.

Rep. Michelle Bachman: The queen of the BP Republicans has taken that awesome, super-relevant anti-Chavez-ian stance that the BP relief fund is (gasp) a “redistribution of wealth.” This is masked politi-speak for Pinko-Commie-revenge game, or something like that. Michelle has also claimed that global warming is a hoax and that “Carbon dioxide is not a harmful gas, it is a harmless gas.” (Earth Day 2009). I’m sure she would also agree that the oil spewing into the gulf, killing animals and sucking life out the water is a natural occurrence because it came from the Earth and surely cannot be harmful — which only further victimizes poor BP, which was obviously just trying to do what’s best for the environment.